I made an assumption about why you were calling Dr. Strange a coward. It was incorrect, and it started a mess that shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry I put you in the position I did and that I spoke out of turn. I could blame the concussion, but that's really not it. I was just an arse.
- Watson
[That seems to about cover it, so John leaves it there. Maybe a little bit of this is spite, Masaki rubbing him up entirely the wrong way. Some of it guilt, but a lot of it just feeling like an arse for reading the young man wrong. He might still think Zangetsu is an idiot for challenging Stephen... that doesn't preclude John from being an idiot, as well.]
[The reply confuses John, in turn. He takes a few reads through the short note, then just returns the message with his reply written underneath. The word 'joke' is circled and there's an arrow pointing off of it with three large question marks.]
I'm apologizing to you. Is that not done where you're from?
No. I mean, yeah, obviously it is. It's a normal world. With normal people. Japan isn't that different from the rest of the world. Apologies are perfectly normal.
Just not to
I just don't see any reason why you would want to do that in this situation. I'm not offering you anything. I can't imagine what you would get out of this. As far as I can tell you gain nothing. Unless you're looking to trick me somehow so as to later enact some stupid juvenile manner of vengeance. Play the long game. Something like that.
[And, most unnerving of all, is the thought that this might not be a game.]
[This is... right, then. John knows Sherlock has trouble with social cues and niceties, but this is on another level.]
I don't want anything from you. You don't have to accept it. You can tell me to piss off, if you'd like. I've earned it, certainly. I'm apologizing because it's what you deserve. I was wrong. I misjudged your meaning, your intentions, didn't have all the information and jumped to the conclusions I did because all I heard was you insulting one of my mates. I can't say I'm one of the brightest blokes I know that direction. It was stupid and childish on my part. You were hurt, Stephen was hurt, your mum was hurt. And all of that comes down to the fact that I was a judgmental arse.
That's really about it. Take it or leave it as you like. I won't bother you again.
[He doesn't understand this. He's trying, he really is, but he just can't wrap his head around it. He keeps reading over the words, trying to pry further meaning from them. Words like what you deserve which fill his head with a raucous static. But he can't wait too long.]
Well, you were being kind of stupid.
I wasn't hurt. I would have thought Stephen told you. He refused to fight me for real. I stabbed him. He was healed. Mom shouldn't have been hurt either. She only showed up after. I didn't see anything happen to her. I don't know who's telling you things but they sound confused.
[Honestly, this is just getting... well, it feels like he's talking to a machine, almost. One who hasn't developed the ability to experience or process a full range of emotions. He's reminded of Zangetsu in Timeless, the young man clutching at his chest, claiming some sort of heart condition.]
You don't owe me anything, and it wasn't physical hurt I was talking about. You put your trust in me and I betrayed that. Your mother wound up with a political mess and the fallout of you being betrayed like that and having to deal with no one understanding what you felt that fight was about. Stephen's had his reputation pulled through the mud, as well, and people think he'll go after children now.
[He regrets asking-- or rather, just saying anything. John explains it but he doesn't like the explanation. He doesn't like it laid bare that he was stupid enough to trust, and then even more stupid so as to feel betrayed. He wants to run as far as possible from that. He wants to scream.]
Everyone's like that. That's part of learning. Mistakes are made. I can't afford to be so careless. I'll know better next time.
She'll probably have to get used to that when we get home too. She should know from the start. I just need to make sure she doesn't get involved again. She can't go around trying to defend me, it's dangerous.
I don't know why anyone would freak out over that of all things with Stephen. I'm not even human. He obviously wouldn't do that to Emily or someone. It's a whole thing, it's the same back home, the target has to be something justifiably undesirable according to a human conscience. The idea of him becoming an indiscriminate hunter is ridiculous.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.
So that's that then, right? It's fine? It's fine now. That's how this works.
[John's not going to comment on the 'lesson' in all of this. It's not in place.]
People freaked out because you look and act like a teenager. That means most people here view you as a child. It doesn't matter that you're not human. There are a lot of non-humans here. There's even a non-human child like that little goat boy. It doesn't matter what you are. You're perceived as a child. That means you're not as culpable in this as the adults involved like me and Stephen. Whether that's right or wrong, it is what it is here. People saw Stephen agreeing to fight a child. That's all that really matters to them.
This works however you want it to work. It doesn't have to be fine. Like I said, I'm not looking for anything from you. If you'd like me to leave you alone, I can do that. If you'd like to talk to me, you're welcome to. It's up to you. You're the person who's been wronged, not me.
That's stupid. Been fighting older people in battle and winning wars since we were fifteen. No one back home thinks like that. Maybe if they knew what I really looked like they'd change their tune.
I don't know. I don't know what I want. That all sounds... sentimental. And I'm not. I would rather it was fine. I don't want to care about all this.
Have you met people like Eliza? Fair certain she'd try to make friends with Killinator of the Scorpion People Murder Race if he showed up here. What you look like is what you look like for now, so unless you want to go ask Zephyr for a change, you're sort of stuck like this.
And we can just stop talking about it. I reckon it's going to be hard to just make yourself stop caring, though. I've tried that. Never works out how I'd like.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ninetydegrees
Early September after talking to Masaki and Stephen
on 2018-09-09 10:50 pm (UTC)- Watson
[That seems to about cover it, so John leaves it there. Maybe a little bit of this is spite, Masaki rubbing him up entirely the wrong way. Some of it guilt, but a lot of it just feeling like an arse for reading the young man wrong. He might still think Zangetsu is an idiot for challenging Stephen... that doesn't preclude John from being an idiot, as well.]
no subject
on 2018-09-09 11:08 pm (UTC)[It's not accusation so much as genuine confusion. But who knows if it will be read that way.]
no subject
on 2018-09-09 11:12 pm (UTC)I'm apologizing to you. Is that not done where you're from?
no subject
on 2018-09-09 11:26 pm (UTC)Just not toI just don't see any reason why you would want to do that in this situation. I'm not offering you anything. I can't imagine what you would get out of this. As far as I can tell you gain nothing. Unless you're looking to trick me somehow so as to later enact some stupid juvenile manner of vengeance. Play the long game. Something like that.
[And, most unnerving of all, is the thought that this might not be a game.]
I don't do these things.no subject
on 2018-09-09 11:36 pm (UTC)I don't want anything from you. You don't have to accept it. You can tell me to piss off, if you'd like. I've earned it, certainly. I'm apologizing because it's what you deserve. I was wrong. I misjudged your meaning, your intentions, didn't have all the information and jumped to the conclusions I did because all I heard was you insulting one of my mates. I can't say I'm one of the brightest blokes I know that direction. It was stupid and childish on my part. You were hurt, Stephen was hurt, your mum was hurt. And all of that comes down to the fact that I was a judgmental arse.
That's really about it. Take it or leave it as you like. I won't bother you again.
no subject
on 2018-09-09 11:54 pm (UTC)Well, you were being kind of stupid.
I wasn't hurt. I would have thought Stephen told you. He refused to fight me for real. I stabbed him. He was healed. Mom shouldn't have been hurt either. She only showed up after. I didn't see anything happen to her. I don't know who's telling you things but they sound confused.
Is this going to mean I owe you something?
no subject
on 2018-09-10 12:00 am (UTC)You don't owe me anything, and it wasn't physical hurt I was talking about. You put your trust in me and I betrayed that. Your mother wound up with a political mess and the fallout of you being betrayed like that and having to deal with no one understanding what you felt that fight was about. Stephen's had his reputation pulled through the mud, as well, and people think he'll go after children now.
And yeah. It was because I was stupid.
no subject
on 2018-09-10 12:37 am (UTC)Everyone's like that. That's part of learning. Mistakes are made. I can't afford to be so careless. I'll know better next time.
She'll probably have to get used to that when we get home too. She should know from the start. I just need to make sure she doesn't get involved again. She can't go around trying to defend me, it's dangerous.
I don't know why anyone would freak out over that of all things with Stephen. I'm not even human. He obviously wouldn't do that to Emily or someone. It's a whole thing, it's the same back home, the target has to be something justifiably undesirable according to a human conscience. The idea of him becoming an indiscriminate hunter is ridiculous.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.So that's that then, right? It's fine? It's fine now. That's how this works.
no subject
on 2018-09-10 12:44 am (UTC)People freaked out because you look and act like a teenager. That means most people here view you as a child. It doesn't matter that you're not human. There are a lot of non-humans here. There's even a non-human child like that little goat boy. It doesn't matter what you are. You're perceived as a child. That means you're not as culpable in this as the adults involved like me and Stephen. Whether that's right or wrong, it is what it is here. People saw Stephen agreeing to fight a child. That's all that really matters to them.
This works however you want it to work. It doesn't have to be fine. Like I said, I'm not looking for anything from you. If you'd like me to leave you alone, I can do that. If you'd like to talk to me, you're welcome to. It's up to you. You're the person who's been wronged, not me.
no subject
on 2018-09-10 08:13 am (UTC)I don't know. I don't know what I want. That all sounds... sentimental. And I'm not. I would rather it was fine. I don't want to care about all this.
no subject
on 2018-09-10 02:09 pm (UTC)And we can just stop talking about it. I reckon it's going to be hard to just make yourself stop caring, though. I've tried that. Never works out how I'd like.
no subject
on 2018-09-11 10:13 pm (UTC)[He'll just not mention that's he's already been vying for his power back.]
...No. It never really works like that for me either. Despite certain factors.
Lets more or less pretend this didn't happen then. I can work with that.
no subject
on 2018-09-11 11:04 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2018-09-11 11:07 pm (UTC)Have fun babysitting.