It hurts to hear all of that. He's mentioned before about Ichigo losing him, but not quite like this. Not to this extent.
In some small way, she can understand. Having lost her powers, it feels like some vital part of her is missing. Like a door has been closed on all of the things that she could do before. All of the ways that she could protect others. If it weren't for the hope in wishing those powers back, she might be more despondent over their loss.
But it still hurts to hear her son going through that same pain. It hruts to see it reflected on Zangetsu, the way that he folds his arms over his chest, like he's trying to protect something vital. Trying to protect himself.
"Well... Don't worry. We'll get you back to him," she tells him, reaching one hand out to touch his arm, like she can drain the tension from him just with that. "We'll get things back to normal. Better than normal."
Ichigo wasn't supposed to be able to get his power back. That's what final Getsuga means. But he'd told him, back in that coffee shop, that there had to be a way. The truth was, he said that because he needed there to be. They both needed it like breath. He didn't have a plan outside trying.
He was stripped down. He was powerless. He was out of the loop. He was disconnected and the shinigami didn't even try to fix that, not once. He was protected because he was weak and he could do nothing for anyone else. All those revelations are still fresh.
He'd thought he'd been drowning before, in that washed out world looking like Karakura. He is never going to shake that rain-wrought cold from his bones.
But she tries, with a touch that rouses him from that, lightly startling him. And he grins and all that nonsense is forgotten. "Of course we will. I already told you; that's the plan." He tilts his head back and laughs. "He's going to lose it when he sees you. I can't wait. I hope I get to see his face when he finds out you were with me but if not you're going to have remember it for me."
He talks so easily of going back to being a passenger in Ichigo's life. It's a little disquieting when he drops something like that so casually into conversation, like it's no big deal not to have a body of his own.
But at the same time, he seems genuinely pleased with that end result, so she doesn't question it. Instead, she shakes her head a little at him. "You say that like I'm not going to be just as distracted."
He talks about how happy Ichigo's going to be to see her again, but she really doesn't know what she'll do when she comes to face her son. The thought is both thrilling and terrifying, an overwhelming combination.
It was a bigger deal once. He's come to terms with it. If he doesn't accept it as normal then how is he ever, possibly, going to be able to settle back? He can only resent so much and he thinks he's done no small amount of that.
"Hah! Maybe so, but for you it's only been--" He pauses, thinks. "What? Two days? Three?" Not like the years that they've all had.
"It'll probably be a bit longer than that by the time you meet everyone, but still. I could almost be jealous." He regrets those last words the moment they're out. He doesn't want to think about that. Quickly, he moves along. "It'd be nice if there was some way I could show you. You could get a better idea of what you're dealing with before you actually see him, and everyone. But all I've got are stories and descriptions. If you ever decided you wanted that..."
He does have a point. It's only been a few days so far, but she thinks that maybe he underestimates how much everything will be different for her. She still struggles to picture her son as he would be if they met, even with Zangetsu standing right next to her. Isshin is likely much the same--but her daughters are a complete mystery to her.
He offers to tell her stories, and there's a brief look of surprise before she smiles a bit wider. "I'd like that, actually." A small laugh follows, as she adds: "Just, maybe... a little bit at a time. I don't think my heart could handle hearing all of your misadventures at once."
But then her voice goes a little softer, a little more sentimental. "But even things that seem mundane or ordinary... I'd like to hear those, too."
It will be different. But things will be the same too. For every little bit that brings the family to falter, he can just as easily see the hundreds of ways they'll fall right into rhythm. The ache of it is unbelievable. It hurts so much to think about.
His smile doesn't fade.
"Heh, sure. Most of those stories are just me being pissed off at Ichigo anyway," He says laughing.
He looks down, and softer himself, he says, "Ichigo's the only one who never puts on a yukata for the summer festival. Karin lets the tough girl act drop a little, when she's not scolding Dad and Yuzu's not scolding her for it. They always get candied sweets. Though when we were fifteen, they'd only eat maybe half. The other half would end up on Ichigo's shirt when he was carrying them both home on his back. They'd sleep pretty soundly, even when he had to kick Dad away. Ichigo would see friends from school there, but usually we'd stay together as a family, even an embarrassing one. The fireworks would light up the river on the way home, until we couldn't hear them anymore."
Maybe it's strange, but if anyone were to notice the mundane things, he thinks, it would be him.
She doesn't expect for him to start telling her things right there. It catches her by surprise for only a second or two before she settles against the counter to listen. He paints her a picture of her family that she would have never known about. Enjoying the festival together, heading home together... She closes her eyes and she can almost see the splash of light across the river, four figures slowly making their way home--two walking and two being carried.
She wishes she could have been there. There's a tightness in her throat, and her eyes water but don't quite leak. She bows her head, turning her face away a little like she can hide it from him. She keeps smiling regardless.
"It sounds lovely... I'm glad, hearing how close they've stuck together. I'm really... really glad." Even if they don't have her, they have each other. And she knows they'll be okay.
He doesn't expect the tears. He almost misses them, lost in thought, staring through the floor at a life long passed.
That festival, it was one of the last times he called himself human. Called himself by another name. One last dream before waking up.
But he can't miss that, even tears that don't fall. He hears the catch in her voice and he stiffens, watching her braced like she's going to make him hurt. She does.
Maybe this was a mistake. But he already offered. There was and shall eventually be harder things. "Yeah," He says, and tries to keep it from sounding any sort sarcastic or bitter. Instead it seems empty. "Sure. Just don't cry on me, okay?"
She laughs a little, rubbing at her eyes now that he's already caught her. "Sorry. I'm not trying to. It just sort of happens..." She's always been a crier. Movies, bookies--even just a touching story told to her in passing. Isshin would tease her for being so emotional, but she knows he loves that part of her. And she can't really help herself.
"But I'm fine! I'm not sad. Just... I can't wait to see them again. That's all." At least, that's what she's going to tell herself and everyone around her.
Well, he thinks, he guesses he knows where Ichigo got it from now. (And not him or anything, not at all.)
He can also spot the lie when he hears it, even the half lie that it is. He doesn't call it out.
He puts his hands up. "If you say so! I'll believe it's just you looking forward to it, but if it's going to be like this every time then you're going to have to keep tissues ready!"
"I'll have a pack on hand," she promises with a laugh. "If wishes come true here, I'll wish for an endless supply of tissues. Then I'll be set forever." Maybe. If anyone could exhaust an endless supply of tissues, then it'll probably be her.
"I will." She doesn't specify which part she's answering--maybe both comments at once. She smiles either way, her eyes drier than they were a moment ago as she looks up at him again.
"Thank you, for doing this for me. I really owe you a lot."
He blinks at her. "No you don't," He blurts, with clear confusion upon his face. Even thinking it through, he has to shake his head and shrugs.
"You're my mom-- even if i'm not your son," He adds quick, before she can call it out for debate. "And you've already served me food twice anyway. Trust me, if you owed me something, I'd let you know."
He's not honestly sure what she's referring to. Telling a story? She's paid up already.
You're my mom--even if I'm not your son. He's said that a lot this past day or so. It still feels weird to hear it. She would have felt somewhat responsible for him just being Ichigo's Zanpakuto, but there's an additional expectation in those words. One that she doesn't know how to field.
She doesn't feel like his mother. Not really. But like before, she lets it slide without comment. Her uncertainty aside, it's not hurting anyone.
"I think a little food is a small price to pay for catching me up with my family. And promising to get me home." Both of which mean the world to her right now. She can't pretend that a little miso soup covers that.
She shouldn't feel like his mother, in his mind. This is a tie that goes just one way. Despite what he is, it's only him that has any connection here. There's no reason for her to give a second thought to him.
"I think you severely underestimate how much I enjoyed that little bit of food," He points out with a grin. If he makes it a game, she'll see that it's no big deal to him.
And if she doesn't see, then there's always the extended truth. "Things are going to be better with you around. The better things are for Ichigo, the easier it is for me. It's just logical."
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2018-04-20 02:20 am (UTC)In some small way, she can understand. Having lost her powers, it feels like some vital part of her is missing. Like a door has been closed on all of the things that she could do before. All of the ways that she could protect others. If it weren't for the hope in wishing those powers back, she might be more despondent over their loss.
But it still hurts to hear her son going through that same pain. It hruts to see it reflected on Zangetsu, the way that he folds his arms over his chest, like he's trying to protect something vital. Trying to protect himself.
"Well... Don't worry. We'll get you back to him," she tells him, reaching one hand out to touch his arm, like she can drain the tension from him just with that. "We'll get things back to normal. Better than normal."
no subject
on 2018-04-20 02:39 am (UTC)He was stripped down. He was powerless. He was out of the loop. He was disconnected and the shinigami didn't even try to fix that, not once. He was protected because he was weak and he could do nothing for anyone else. All those revelations are still fresh.
He'd thought he'd been drowning before, in that washed out world looking like Karakura. He is never going to shake that rain-wrought cold from his bones.
But she tries, with a touch that rouses him from that, lightly startling him. And he grins and all that nonsense is forgotten. "Of course we will. I already told you; that's the plan." He tilts his head back and laughs. "He's going to lose it when he sees you. I can't wait. I hope I get to see his face when he finds out you were with me but if not you're going to have remember it for me."
no subject
on 2018-04-20 08:55 pm (UTC)But at the same time, he seems genuinely pleased with that end result, so she doesn't question it. Instead, she shakes her head a little at him. "You say that like I'm not going to be just as distracted."
He talks about how happy Ichigo's going to be to see her again, but she really doesn't know what she'll do when she comes to face her son. The thought is both thrilling and terrifying, an overwhelming combination.
no subject
on 2018-04-20 09:42 pm (UTC)"Hah! Maybe so, but for you it's only been--" He pauses, thinks. "What? Two days? Three?" Not like the years that they've all had.
"It'll probably be a bit longer than that by the time you meet everyone, but still. I could almost be jealous." He regrets those last words the moment they're out. He doesn't want to think about that. Quickly, he moves along. "It'd be nice if there was some way I could show you. You could get a better idea of what you're dealing with before you actually see him, and everyone. But all I've got are stories and descriptions. If you ever decided you wanted that..."
no subject
on 2018-04-20 11:03 pm (UTC)He offers to tell her stories, and there's a brief look of surprise before she smiles a bit wider. "I'd like that, actually." A small laugh follows, as she adds: "Just, maybe... a little bit at a time. I don't think my heart could handle hearing all of your misadventures at once."
But then her voice goes a little softer, a little more sentimental. "But even things that seem mundane or ordinary... I'd like to hear those, too."
no subject
on 2018-04-20 11:23 pm (UTC)His smile doesn't fade.
"Heh, sure. Most of those stories are just me being pissed off at Ichigo anyway," He says laughing.
He looks down, and softer himself, he says, "Ichigo's the only one who never puts on a yukata for the summer festival. Karin lets the tough girl act drop a little, when she's not scolding Dad and Yuzu's not scolding her for it. They always get candied sweets. Though when we were fifteen, they'd only eat maybe half. The other half would end up on Ichigo's shirt when he was carrying them both home on his back. They'd sleep pretty soundly, even when he had to kick Dad away. Ichigo would see friends from school there, but usually we'd stay together as a family, even an embarrassing one. The fireworks would light up the river on the way home, until we couldn't hear them anymore."
Maybe it's strange, but if anyone were to notice the mundane things, he thinks, it would be him.
no subject
on 2018-04-22 10:21 pm (UTC)She wishes she could have been there. There's a tightness in her throat, and her eyes water but don't quite leak. She bows her head, turning her face away a little like she can hide it from him. She keeps smiling regardless.
"It sounds lovely... I'm glad, hearing how close they've stuck together. I'm really... really glad." Even if they don't have her, they have each other. And she knows they'll be okay.
no subject
on 2018-04-22 10:45 pm (UTC)That festival, it was one of the last times he called himself human. Called himself by another name. One last dream before waking up.
But he can't miss that, even tears that don't fall. He hears the catch in her voice and he stiffens, watching her braced like she's going to make him hurt. She does.
Maybe this was a mistake. But he already offered. There was and shall eventually be harder things. "Yeah," He says, and tries to keep it from sounding any sort sarcastic or bitter. Instead it seems empty. "Sure. Just don't cry on me, okay?"
no subject
on 2018-04-25 01:30 am (UTC)"But I'm fine! I'm not sad. Just... I can't wait to see them again. That's all." At least, that's what she's going to tell herself and everyone around her.
no subject
on 2018-04-25 12:22 pm (UTC)He can also spot the lie when he hears it, even the half lie that it is. He doesn't call it out.
He puts his hands up. "If you say so! I'll believe it's just you looking forward to it, but if it's going to be like this every time then you're going to have to keep tissues ready!"
no subject
on 2018-04-27 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
on 2018-04-27 02:16 am (UTC)"Make sure it's enough to stop a flood," He teases. Then softer, "And let me know if you want to know anything else."
Maybe if she keeps bringing him over like this, he'll have reason to owe her that.
no subject
on 2018-04-27 10:30 pm (UTC)"Thank you, for doing this for me. I really owe you a lot."
no subject
on 2018-04-27 10:43 pm (UTC)"You're my mom-- even if i'm not your son," He adds quick, before she can call it out for debate. "And you've already served me food twice anyway. Trust me, if you owed me something, I'd let you know."
He's not honestly sure what she's referring to. Telling a story? She's paid up already.
no subject
on 2018-05-20 10:24 pm (UTC)She doesn't feel like his mother. Not really. But like before, she lets it slide without comment. Her uncertainty aside, it's not hurting anyone.
"I think a little food is a small price to pay for catching me up with my family. And promising to get me home." Both of which mean the world to her right now. She can't pretend that a little miso soup covers that.
no subject
on 2018-05-21 12:22 am (UTC)"I think you severely underestimate how much I enjoyed that little bit of food," He points out with a grin. If he makes it a game, she'll see that it's no big deal to him.
And if she doesn't see, then there's always the extended truth. "Things are going to be better with you around. The better things are for Ichigo, the easier it is for me. It's just logical."