He hates that it feels like he's come to interrogating her, but he thinks he hates the silence that falls more. But when she speaks, he can't do the same.
He expected being closest to her. He didn't expect the other way around. And he knows it's because he hasn't found the way home yet, he hasn't worked fast enough and so she hasn't had any options.
He's quiet and still until suddenly he stands. He walks away from his seat, but rather than leaving, he makes his way around the table, pulling a chair closer and letting it sit at her side. He doesn't face her, just sits next to her.
"I do depend on you," He says. "I can't help Ichigo like you can. I'm counting on you for that. I really want things to get better. I want to see the way everyone just loses their minds when they see you again." He wants the skies so blue they're nearly blinding.
"I count on you to keep yourself safe, because I can't really do that right now. And I don't... I couldn't deal with something like that. We go to these worlds where others in this village die and get hurt and all I can really do is hope you don't and come along to make things wrap up faster." So far she hasn't been hurt, and really none of it is something he can take credit for. She's taken care of herself, which brings both relief and that familiar feeling bringing him back to Ichigo's year of powerlessness.
He still doesn't look her way. He sits with his hands somewhat in his lap, fingers picking at one another.
"Old Man Zangetsu never told me why he had to do what he did. I never asked him and I never really tried to dig around in his head. I figured, whatever reasons he had to keep it a secret it, they must have been important. As long as he looked out for us, for Ichigo, then it was fine with me. With me, it probably is just a wall. I'm not really meant to be otherwise. I'm not like Zangetsu either. But we are team. Me and him, and me and you. If I could, I'd have no problem fighting by your side, and to me, that's pretty equal. Honestly, I'd thought that was a given."
There's a moment where he stands, that she looks up at him suddenly, expecting to have said something wrong. Expecting for him to walk away abruptly and leave her sitting there, her heart twisting in her chest. But he doesn't. He settles down next to her, and that's a new kind of surprise.
The words pour out of him like she hasn't heard before, and she listens intently, hanging onto each one. He talks of depending on her, of wanting to see their family's face when she walks in through their door. He talks of wanting her to be safe, and her heart goes out to him just that little bit more.
He talks of the Quincy spirit and of walls and of teams... He when he finishes, she reaches over to him and rests a hand over his fidgeting ones. She smiles softly.
"It might be a given, but it's still nice to hear once in a while. We can be silly sometimes... Doubting things that we know are true. We need reminders now and then--not always like this, but sometimes just little things. Like telling me how your day goes. I feel more a part of it--and I feel closer to you." She squeezes the hand clasped over his.
He keeps fidgeting until her hand falls on his. It's only the slightest wince around his eyes to show the way the connection gets to him. He keeps his head bowed and his gaze forward otherwise.
Silly. Yeah. He guesses that's true. He knows he's doubted her more than once, bared his teeth to her to match a threat that wasn't there.
"It... makes sense." That much is true. "I just don't know if I can do that. I don't think of things like that. What happens in a day, it usually isn't anything. When it's something... I'm honestly not sure how much of a good idea it is to be closer to me. You won't see me forever."
He reminds her that she won't see him forever, and that stings more than she really wants in that moment. She wants to keep seeing him, but she knows... That won't go over well, even if she says it aloud.
"You don't have to think of them yourself. That's why I ask. To remind you to tell me the little things." She gives him a small smile, leaning down to try and catch his gaze. "All you have to do is tell me--and I can tell you thing too."
She takes a breath. "For instance! I saw this really cute rabbit in the forest today. It was just sitting there eating, when I came up, and it froze! I didn't want to scare it, so I crouched down really low and started creeping past... I swear I was close enough to see its little nose quiver. I thought I was going to die from how cute it was." She puts her hands over her chest, like she's going to swoon and leans on him dramatically.
She tries to catch his gaze and his eyes dart a little, to and away from her face. The brightness of her smile can overwhelm sometimes. Especially in contrast to his own uncertainty with all of this.
But then she's talking about supposedly cute rabbits and trying to sneak up on wild animals. He can just see her crouched in the dirt staring wide eyed at this dumb thing. He laughs lightly pushes her back, "You're ridiculous! You want me to talk about rabbits?"
He shakes his head. His mother is crazy. But then, he falls into a silence. He looks up at the ceiling.
"... I saw a cloud that looked like a rabbit. And one like a moon next to it. I was thinking it was on the nose with the literal moon rabbits here, but... I thought it'd be something you like anyway."
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2018-08-17 04:41 am (UTC)He expected being closest to her. He didn't expect the other way around. And he knows it's because he hasn't found the way home yet, he hasn't worked fast enough and so she hasn't had any options.
He's quiet and still until suddenly he stands. He walks away from his seat, but rather than leaving, he makes his way around the table, pulling a chair closer and letting it sit at her side. He doesn't face her, just sits next to her.
"I do depend on you," He says. "I can't help Ichigo like you can. I'm counting on you for that. I really want things to get better. I want to see the way everyone just loses their minds when they see you again." He wants the skies so blue they're nearly blinding.
"I count on you to keep yourself safe, because I can't really do that right now. And I don't... I couldn't deal with something like that. We go to these worlds where others in this village die and get hurt and all I can really do is hope you don't and come along to make things wrap up faster." So far she hasn't been hurt, and really none of it is something he can take credit for. She's taken care of herself, which brings both relief and that familiar feeling bringing him back to Ichigo's year of powerlessness.
He still doesn't look her way. He sits with his hands somewhat in his lap, fingers picking at one another.
"Old Man Zangetsu never told me why he had to do what he did. I never asked him and I never really tried to dig around in his head. I figured, whatever reasons he had to keep it a secret it, they must have been important. As long as he looked out for us, for Ichigo, then it was fine with me. With me, it probably is just a wall. I'm not really meant to be otherwise. I'm not like Zangetsu either. But we are team. Me and him, and me and you. If I could, I'd have no problem fighting by your side, and to me, that's pretty equal. Honestly, I'd thought that was a given."
no subject
on 2018-10-14 04:53 am (UTC)The words pour out of him like she hasn't heard before, and she listens intently, hanging onto each one. He talks of depending on her, of wanting to see their family's face when she walks in through their door. He talks of wanting her to be safe, and her heart goes out to him just that little bit more.
He talks of the Quincy spirit and of walls and of teams... He when he finishes, she reaches over to him and rests a hand over his fidgeting ones. She smiles softly.
"It might be a given, but it's still nice to hear once in a while. We can be silly sometimes... Doubting things that we know are true. We need reminders now and then--not always like this, but sometimes just little things. Like telling me how your day goes. I feel more a part of it--and I feel closer to you." She squeezes the hand clasped over his.
"...Does that make sense to you?"
no subject
on 2018-10-14 11:15 pm (UTC)Silly. Yeah. He guesses that's true. He knows he's doubted her more than once, bared his teeth to her to match a threat that wasn't there.
"It... makes sense." That much is true. "I just don't know if I can do that. I don't think of things like that. What happens in a day, it usually isn't anything. When it's something... I'm honestly not sure how much of a good idea it is to be closer to me. You won't see me forever."
no subject
on 2019-01-25 03:26 am (UTC)"You don't have to think of them yourself. That's why I ask. To remind you to tell me the little things." She gives him a small smile, leaning down to try and catch his gaze. "All you have to do is tell me--and I can tell you thing too."
She takes a breath. "For instance! I saw this really cute rabbit in the forest today. It was just sitting there eating, when I came up, and it froze! I didn't want to scare it, so I crouched down really low and started creeping past... I swear I was close enough to see its little nose quiver. I thought I was going to die from how cute it was." She puts her hands over her chest, like she's going to swoon and leans on him dramatically.
no subject
on 2019-01-29 09:06 am (UTC)But then she's talking about supposedly cute rabbits and trying to sneak up on wild animals. He can just see her crouched in the dirt staring wide eyed at this dumb thing. He laughs lightly pushes her back, "You're ridiculous! You want me to talk about rabbits?"
He shakes his head. His mother is crazy. But then, he falls into a silence. He looks up at the ceiling.
"... I saw a cloud that looked like a rabbit. And one like a moon next to it. I was thinking it was on the nose with the literal moon rabbits here, but... I thought it'd be something you like anyway."