"Do you think I care about that?! Look at me!" He snaps at her. The regret is immediate.
He settles back, exhaling heavily. He lowers his voice though he still speaks firm. "One little hiccup in how you like to do things is not going to change every single thing you are. It's not going to become a domino effect of you being completely unrecognizable. You'll hate it, you'll hate me, you'll move on." And this, he's certain, is fact.
He stares down at the dishes in front of him, boring holes through them, through the table. What he said is fact. But it's also not going to convince her.
"... I'm more powerful than you. If I can't beat something, you can't. If I say that, and that I refuse any suicide missions, can you accept that?"
He snaps, and she stiffens as well. She looks at him, but her expression is guarded. If he doesn't care about that, then they're not going to see eye to eye on this.
He talks about it like it's a matter of preference. Like she can cast off something like that as easily as a missed connection. A hiccup in her day. Her expression doesn't turn any less conflicted.
But he surprises her. There's a compromise there in his words. He's stronger than her. If he can't do anything to help, will she back down?
Her gaze drifts down to her bowl. "... If you promise to try. If you honestly tell me that you can't help, then I'll try to accept that." It's not a certainty, but it's the best she can do.
He didn't realize he was holding a breath. He releases it.
"It's good enough," He says. It's better than Ichigo would give him. Far better than he ever will.
"I'm not the sort to rescue," He warns. "I face the enemy, I kick its ass. It doesn't bring anything back if its gone but if there's no enemy left then the problem's solved and that's that."
No screwing around. No pity or mercy. If she gets put in danger, he's calling it quits. He's not going to mourn or throw himself on the line for people he doesn't care about. Yeah, "I can try."
She relaxes as well. This very well could have turned into another fight, one that she wouldn't have backed down from as easily. But the compromise seems good enough for both of them.
"I can worry about rescues. If you can handle whatever we go up against, then there shouldn't be any problems." Him on offense, her on defense. She gives him a small smile, like a peace offering between them. "That would make us like a team. Is that okay?"
She wouldn't have gotten this much from him before that ocean drowned fight with Ichigo. He wouldn't have even considered trying to meet half way. He doesn't have that kind of fight in him anymore. Lucky her, he guesses.
He doesn't know if that bone deep exhaustion shows on his face, but if it does, she smiles anyway. She smiles and he tries to smile back, only its not reassuring, but him teetering on the edge and quickly falling in at her words.
Like a team. And she asks if it's okay.
His laughter cracks with its hysteria. A team with him, not with his own other half, not with the other man he'd shared form with, no. A different soul. A quincy. His mother. His laughter is quieter, but it carries, rattling him.
"You've got me all wrong if you think I can't accept an unconventional team," He says. And he thinks to joke of partners, but the word still stings, that old wound long since left to fester and rot beyond chance of healing.
The laughter worries her more than a little. It's hard to keep that smile on her lips when it feels like she's chiselling him apart. She's not sure what it was in her words that seemed to rattle him so much--but she could venture a guess if she had to.
"I'm not sure that you sound very accepting right now," she points out, but it's only a gentle caution, not an admonishment. She wants to ask if he's really okay, but she's not sure that the answer right now would be yes.
So instead, she continues: "But if you're really okay with this, then I am, too. I don't think you could find a more unconventional team." An Quincy and a Zanpakuto spirit, both tainted by the same hollow. It's an unquestionably weird pairing, but she's willing to give it a try.
She suggests he doesn't sound like what he is. The thought is absurd. Why do people keep reading meaning in whatever he says? He means what he means.
"Heh. Maybe not. Give Ichigo a run for his money," He snickers. Then, since it apparently needs elucidation, "I'm okay with it. I've never worked with anyone else quite like this, but I figure we can manage."
Two people together, instead of two beings merged. The dance of it feels messier, but if she's tending to the defensive, it might be doable.
"It's not like I need you to wield me either. I can carry myself."
I've never worked with anyone else quite like this, but I figure we can manage. That seems to convince her more than his quiet hysterics a moment ago. She eases back against her seat, comforted in some small part.
He further mentions that she won't need to wield his sword, and her smile turns a little more wry for just a moment. "That's a relief. I've never used a sword before. I don't think that would go well for either of us--but especially me." She's more likely to lop an arm off than manage to wield a sword the right way.
He snickers, imagining it for himself and the image isn't flattering.
"Give me some credit," He laughs. "I wouldn't let you get cut." Not by him, oh no. Not unless they were really going all out in their sparring, but even he still can't quite see that.
"It's probably easier than you think, anyway. At least, for a basic sword in the simplest of battles. I would obviously be a learning curve and-" He eyes her and her stature. "-I'm not all sure you could lift me," He says, teasing some more.
All of that may be true, but for Masaki's part, she looks thoroughly indignant by that ending burn. That is downright rude. "I'm stronger than I look, you know," she protests.
Being an archer helps build muscle, as does carting around three children on the norm. Neither one of those things is a very easy task.
She looks honestly offended. He remains honestly amused, delighted at her indignation.
And maybe, part of it is just him feeling smug.
"A Khyber knife," He says, without explanation. "Or a butcher knife if you don't know what that is well enough to picture it. A blade as tall as he is."
His brows rise up. "Strength or no, I stand by what I said."
The sudden explanation catches her a little off guard. A Khyber knife...or a butcher's blade. A very...very large one. Isshin's wasn't nearly as large as all that, as far as she can remember, but then again size didn't account for much. Except in this case, apparently.
"Well..." She says, getting up from the table with her own meal finished. She starts collecting the dishes together. "If you're as heavy as all that, then I guess you don't need seconds~."
In an instant, (like usual) his victory evaporates. His face immediately falls. That's not fair.
"W-Wai--" He starts, then stops.
"You know what? Fine! You're right! I guess I don't!" He huffs, leans back in his chair, and folds his arms. He's not sulking. He's just... proving a point!
She can't help but laugh at how the tables have turned. What was a victory for him is now one for her. The dishes are collected together, and she takes them all to the sink to wash up.
"You know, it'd be a shame if we got back to Ichigo, and he couldn't lift you, either. Really, it's for the best."
She looks up from the dishes at his grumbling--to find him sulking at the table like a child that's being punished. Which... she supposes that isn't far from the truth, but it does give her pause. While his quip had been rude, she wasn't actually that bothered by it. Not enough that she'd want to actually make him unhappy. Nor does she want to make him leave, either.
So after the sound of her finishing with the dishes, she comes around the counter again to the table. There's a small noise as she sets a fresh bowl of curry next to him, a set of chopsticks laid over the top of the bowl.
"You shouldn't sulk like that. Your face might stick that way," she cautions him, teasing just a little. Then she touches the top of his head briefly--like someone might pat a child, and heads back around the counter to put the leftovers away.
He's not going to leave. At least not yet. But he keeps tracing lines as he listens to her clean dishes. It's all familiar sound though perhaps more from Yuzu at this point than from her.
He looks up at that new, closer, sound and his eyes take in a filled bowl. His delight is shameless and immediate. He laughs once and pulls it all in. He's grinning and distracted, enough so that he doesn't catch her until it's too late and she's patting his head.
"Ugh, don't say that," He complains, though his mood has already improved. "You joke, but I'm pretty sure it's true and Ichigo's the living example of it." He wastes not a second more and begins to devour that curry before she can change her mind and take it away.
He's apparently very easily placated. That's good. She'll keep that in mind for later.
His comment about Ichigo catches her off guard again, though. He keeps throwing these small tidbits of information about her son, and she tries not to seem too desperate to catch each one of them--whether they're good or bad. The sound of her moving around does pause for a moment, but she quickly resumes again.
"...I'll admit, it's difficult to imagine him making that face." He smiled so much as a boy, it's hard to picture anything else.
"Mmf- You'll probably get used to it once you're around him again," He says idly, between mouthfuls. "He frowns more than I don't. He's sulky, I've said that, but most of the time the stupid grumping around is just his default."
He eyes inside the bowl, still trying to scrape out every last bit her can. Unfortunately, eventually, there's not much more to scrape unless he wants to eat the actual bowl.
"I'd have given him a hard time about it and all the energy he's wasting with stupid acts but we haven't nearly got that far down the list of grievances." He sets the bowl down, and then stands, taking the dish to the sink himself.
She wants to ask why, but she's afraid to know. He's already mentioned what her death did to their family. He's mentioned how happy Ichigo will be to see her--that he has to see her, for that reason. It's easy to connect the dots, but she doesn't want it to be true. Maybe it's denial, but if it is, then she's fine with it. She's going to fix this, somehow. And then it won't have to weigh on any of them like it has.
"Well, when we get back, I'll help you with that," she tells him, as he walks his empty bowl to the sink. She holds out her hand for it, like she expects him to hand it over. "I won't let him keep making that kind of face while I'm there."
"Hah! Just don't mention I said anything. Then he'll pout more on principle. Oh the horror should he act more like me." He snickers to himself.
He falters only a moment on passing the bowl to her. Might as well take advantage of an offer.
Then, more seriously, and with an easier smile, he says, "I'm sure you'll have no problem. You never used to, after all." Countless toddler-ish tears were stopped by the power of her voice and smile.
He manages to pull a smile from her, even despite her own thoughts. It's true, of course. It wasn't like she hadn't noticed how even if he'd been crying a moment ago, he would always smile for her. It warmed her heart so much. How could she do anything less than return his smile?
"Well... He's older now," she points out, only for something to use as a distraction from how much that smiling little boy means to her. "He'll be a teenager when I see him again. Those are always more difficult."
It actually does worry her a little... but she's sure that they'll work it out somehow.
He meant a lot to her, he realizes. All the adoration that went her way and only just now does it hit that the reverse might apply. But that's just her, isn't it? She just does that to people, extends her kindness. Even to him.
"He's stubborn, I'll give you that," He says. He leans down upon the counter, beside where she works at the dishes. "But it won't be impossible. He does smile sometimes." Little moments. Short ones. Saving the day. Saying goodbye to a shinigami. Walking along with Inoue and Chad not fair behind. A girl cutting to the heart of him to remind Ichigo he still has one, mask or no.
It disquiets him. He can't smile for the same things Ichigo does. Every one of those brings some sense of feeling strangled.
"I'm not sure how I could prove it to you, but I can't think why you would have any problem."
He leans next to her as she works, and there's a sense of familiarity. It's comforting in a way, even with everything else on her mind. She looks over at him as he makes the effort to reassure her, and there's gratitude in her smile.
"You don't have to prove it to me. I believe you."
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ninetydegrees
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on 2018-04-14 09:11 pm (UTC)He settles back, exhaling heavily. He lowers his voice though he still speaks firm. "One little hiccup in how you like to do things is not going to change every single thing you are. It's not going to become a domino effect of you being completely unrecognizable. You'll hate it, you'll hate me, you'll move on." And this, he's certain, is fact.
He stares down at the dishes in front of him, boring holes through them, through the table. What he said is fact. But it's also not going to convince her.
"... I'm more powerful than you. If I can't beat something, you can't. If I say that, and that I refuse any suicide missions, can you accept that?"
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on 2018-04-14 10:30 pm (UTC)He talks about it like it's a matter of preference. Like she can cast off something like that as easily as a missed connection. A hiccup in her day. Her expression doesn't turn any less conflicted.
But he surprises her. There's a compromise there in his words. He's stronger than her. If he can't do anything to help, will she back down?
Her gaze drifts down to her bowl. "... If you promise to try. If you honestly tell me that you can't help, then I'll try to accept that." It's not a certainty, but it's the best she can do.
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on 2018-04-14 10:55 pm (UTC)"It's good enough," He says. It's better than Ichigo would give him. Far better than he ever will.
"I'm not the sort to rescue," He warns. "I face the enemy, I kick its ass. It doesn't bring anything back if its gone but if there's no enemy left then the problem's solved and that's that."
No screwing around. No pity or mercy. If she gets put in danger, he's calling it quits. He's not going to mourn or throw himself on the line for people he doesn't care about. Yeah, "I can try."
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on 2018-04-14 11:35 pm (UTC)"I can worry about rescues. If you can handle whatever we go up against, then there shouldn't be any problems." Him on offense, her on defense. She gives him a small smile, like a peace offering between them. "That would make us like a team. Is that okay?"
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on 2018-04-14 11:56 pm (UTC)He doesn't know if that bone deep exhaustion shows on his face, but if it does, she smiles anyway. She smiles and he tries to smile back, only its not reassuring, but him teetering on the edge and quickly falling in at her words.
Like a team. And she asks if it's okay.
His laughter cracks with its hysteria. A team with him, not with his own other half, not with the other man he'd shared form with, no. A different soul. A quincy. His mother. His laughter is quieter, but it carries, rattling him.
"You've got me all wrong if you think I can't accept an unconventional team," He says. And he thinks to joke of partners, but the word still stings, that old wound long since left to fester and rot beyond chance of healing.
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on 2018-04-15 04:19 am (UTC)"I'm not sure that you sound very accepting right now," she points out, but it's only a gentle caution, not an admonishment. She wants to ask if he's really okay, but she's not sure that the answer right now would be yes.
So instead, she continues: "But if you're really okay with this, then I am, too. I don't think you could find a more unconventional team." An Quincy and a Zanpakuto spirit, both tainted by the same hollow. It's an unquestionably weird pairing, but she's willing to give it a try.
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on 2018-04-15 08:24 am (UTC)"Heh. Maybe not. Give Ichigo a run for his money," He snickers. Then, since it apparently needs elucidation, "I'm okay with it. I've never worked with anyone else quite like this, but I figure we can manage."
Two people together, instead of two beings merged. The dance of it feels messier, but if she's tending to the defensive, it might be doable.
"It's not like I need you to wield me either. I can carry myself."
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on 2018-04-15 09:01 pm (UTC)He further mentions that she won't need to wield his sword, and her smile turns a little more wry for just a moment. "That's a relief. I've never used a sword before. I don't think that would go well for either of us--but especially me." She's more likely to lop an arm off than manage to wield a sword the right way.
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on 2018-04-15 09:19 pm (UTC)"Give me some credit," He laughs. "I wouldn't let you get cut." Not by him, oh no. Not unless they were really going all out in their sparring, but even he still can't quite see that.
"It's probably easier than you think, anyway. At least, for a basic sword in the simplest of battles. I would obviously be a learning curve and-" He eyes her and her stature. "-I'm not all sure you could lift me," He says, teasing some more.
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on 2018-04-15 09:27 pm (UTC)Being an archer helps build muscle, as does carting around three children on the norm. Neither one of those things is a very easy task.
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on 2018-04-15 09:51 pm (UTC)And maybe, part of it is just him feeling smug.
"A Khyber knife," He says, without explanation. "Or a butcher knife if you don't know what that is well enough to picture it. A blade as tall as he is."
His brows rise up. "Strength or no, I stand by what I said."
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on 2018-04-15 10:23 pm (UTC)"Well..." She says, getting up from the table with her own meal finished. She starts collecting the dishes together. "If you're as heavy as all that, then I guess you don't need seconds~."
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on 2018-04-15 10:29 pm (UTC)"W-Wai--" He starts, then stops.
"You know what? Fine! You're right! I guess I don't!" He huffs, leans back in his chair, and folds his arms. He's not sulking. He's just... proving a point!
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on 2018-04-15 10:36 pm (UTC)"You know, it'd be a shame if we got back to Ichigo, and he couldn't lift you, either. Really, it's for the best."
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on 2018-04-16 08:19 am (UTC)Whatever. Jokes on her. Nobody ever said he had to eat anyway. It's probably all just extra.
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on 2018-04-16 02:07 pm (UTC)So after the sound of her finishing with the dishes, she comes around the counter again to the table. There's a small noise as she sets a fresh bowl of curry next to him, a set of chopsticks laid over the top of the bowl.
"You shouldn't sulk like that. Your face might stick that way," she cautions him, teasing just a little. Then she touches the top of his head briefly--like someone might pat a child, and heads back around the counter to put the leftovers away.
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on 2018-04-16 06:28 pm (UTC)He looks up at that new, closer, sound and his eyes take in a filled bowl. His delight is shameless and immediate. He laughs once and pulls it all in. He's grinning and distracted, enough so that he doesn't catch her until it's too late and she's patting his head.
"Ugh, don't say that," He complains, though his mood has already improved. "You joke, but I'm pretty sure it's true and Ichigo's the living example of it." He wastes not a second more and begins to devour that curry before she can change her mind and take it away.
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on 2018-04-16 06:42 pm (UTC)His comment about Ichigo catches her off guard again, though. He keeps throwing these small tidbits of information about her son, and she tries not to seem too desperate to catch each one of them--whether they're good or bad. The sound of her moving around does pause for a moment, but she quickly resumes again.
"...I'll admit, it's difficult to imagine him making that face." He smiled so much as a boy, it's hard to picture anything else.
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on 2018-04-16 06:53 pm (UTC)He eyes inside the bowl, still trying to scrape out every last bit her can. Unfortunately, eventually, there's not much more to scrape unless he wants to eat the actual bowl.
"I'd have given him a hard time about it and all the energy he's wasting with stupid acts but we haven't nearly got that far down the list of grievances." He sets the bowl down, and then stands, taking the dish to the sink himself.
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on 2018-04-16 09:50 pm (UTC)"Well, when we get back, I'll help you with that," she tells him, as he walks his empty bowl to the sink. She holds out her hand for it, like she expects him to hand it over. "I won't let him keep making that kind of face while I'm there."
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on 2018-04-16 10:08 pm (UTC)He falters only a moment on passing the bowl to her. Might as well take advantage of an offer.
Then, more seriously, and with an easier smile, he says, "I'm sure you'll have no problem. You never used to, after all." Countless toddler-ish tears were stopped by the power of her voice and smile.
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on 2018-04-17 02:42 am (UTC)"Well... He's older now," she points out, only for something to use as a distraction from how much that smiling little boy means to her. "He'll be a teenager when I see him again. Those are always more difficult."
It actually does worry her a little... but she's sure that they'll work it out somehow.
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on 2018-04-17 08:15 am (UTC)"He's stubborn, I'll give you that," He says. He leans down upon the counter, beside where she works at the dishes. "But it won't be impossible. He does smile sometimes." Little moments. Short ones. Saving the day. Saying goodbye to a shinigami. Walking along with Inoue and Chad not fair behind. A girl cutting to the heart of him to remind Ichigo he still has one, mask or no.
It disquiets him. He can't smile for the same things Ichigo does. Every one of those brings some sense of feeling strangled.
"I'm not sure how I could prove it to you, but I can't think why you would have any problem."
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on 2018-04-17 10:14 pm (UTC)"You don't have to prove it to me. I believe you."
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on 2018-04-17 10:26 pm (UTC)He looks away from her, like it's too much for him. It is, a bit.
"Kind of a wonder in itself, all things considered," He says. "Do you usually trust this easily?"
He can't remember any particular instance from youth. In retrospect, they were always the odd family out.
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